One

The floor is like quick sand

I try my best to navigate this wasteland

You push him

then pull his chest close to you

I don’t know if it’s my right to intervene

(but seeing that has ruined my night)

I sip my finished drink

only tasting ice.

Two

How are they so powerful and satisfying

Source to greatness

Eyes close, off I go

Into the land of nothingness 

Where everything is possible

…

I wake oh so satisfied.

Three

Is death always a bad thing?

This attachment that I have makes me

long for something that I cannot have

The tighter I try to hold on

the more it pains me

How transitory life is

always escaping our grasp. 

Four

I can never express it well in words

This sharp and acidic feeling

All too sour

and not enough sugar 

Is it because it’s something that I don’t have? That I cannot have?

Or something that I gave up?

The life that I choose not to live plays right in front of my eyes

Yet, I know

that I’d give it up all over again.

Five

The good is always too good

and the bad too bad

They acted on their beliefs

shaping their own morality in the process

What is crime? Humanness?

I know they have suffered for it

Paid the price

(I think I don’t like superhero movies anymore)

Six

Who was I back then

(A mess of feelings of trying to fit in)

I was too sharp in all the wrong places and tried to soften

myself into a blob of nothingness

I pleased everyone but

myself

That’s why when the people around me were gone

I broke down, who was I

(If there was no one to please? No expectations to fulfil?)

Who was I when there was only me?

I tried this and that

(I am still learning to speak up)

(I am still learning to be brave)

(I am still learning that this me is okay)

(I am still learning to be comfortable in my own skin)

Seven

I am both disappointed and relieved when it’s not you.

I like my image of you. So pristine, untouched perfection and oh so wonderful.

Does that mean I don’t know you well enough, that I only see the good because I look up to you? 

You have all the things I lack, all the things I want to improve on.

I want to be there. Not with you but where you are. 

I still see you in other people. 

In the crowd I think it’s you but it’s not.

What do you think that means?

That I still see you in everyone. 

Eight

Such love I feel

and part guilt

(appreciate the food that a person cooks for you)

all your sacrifices and your silence

what you have taught me

(mentally, emotionally, spiritually)

you instilled parts of you in me

until i realised

(i am actually made up from parts of you)

no matter how far we grow to be

i will always be parts of you.

Nine

There’s a freedom to you

that doesn’t exist in this world.